Emotional day

This morning, we joined the Roth family and Mary, our guide, on a van trip to Zhangshu, the town where Xiu Dan lived until Monday morning. After about an hour and a half of expressway, we turned off onto the paved, but very bumpy road that took us to Zhangshu. To be honest, I was surprised; the city is much bigger than I expected. Drab, but bustling, Zhangshu is home to about 800,000 people; hardly the tiny burg I had pictured.

When we reached the city limits, our van pulled off the side of the road to meet the orphanage director, who would drive ahead of us to lead us to the facility. Again, I was surprised -- the orphanage was a rather large, 5-story complex right in the middle of town. It could have just as easily been a small office park. We passed through a small gate, and parked the van. There were actually two sets of buildings that belonged to the facility, and they were separated by a small, park-like garden. There were old men and women lounging around in front of the buildings, and I asked if they were caretakers. Our guide told us that the orphanage shares the site with a convalescent home, and also with a residential facility for mentally handicapped adults.

With Kori toting Xiu Dan and running the video camera, and me snapping photos, we followed the director up a set of stairs in the building on our left, and found ourselves in a large play room. Inside there were about a dozen babies and about 7 or 8 women, nannies. When the ladies saw us, their faces lit up. "Dan Dan!" they exclaimed, and they rushed forward to pinch Xiu Dan's cheeks, to tickle her belly and to tug on her feet. Xiu Dan grinned broadly, but didn't reach out to any of them.

After a few moments, the director shooed us along and led us to a reception room, where we exchanged pleasantries and asked questions about Xiu Dan's history, likes and dislikes. The orphanage staff was pretty evasive, and didn't tell us anything more than we had already learned. We asked if we could see where the kids slept, and the director nodded. He led us across the courtyard to the other building, and up a flight of steps. Along the front of the building was a balcony hallway that led to a series of little studio apartments. Our guide pointed to one and said, this is Xiu Dan's room. The main room was small but tidy, and had a handful of toys, four green walkers, and some baby clothes hanging to dry on a line.

Off the main room was a small kitchen, a tiny store-room and a bedroom with one adult-sized bed and three shiny metal cribs. The director pointed, and our guide said, "That one is Xiu Dan's." We walked over, took some pictures and touched the crib. Chien picked up the little pillow and hugged it. A middle-aged woman dressed in a red and white striped shirt -- our daughter's nanny-- came in the room, and came to Xiu Dan, arms extended. Kori flashed a glance over to me, and we both nodded. Xiu Dan was reaching out to the woman, and we decided to give them both one last hug. Xiu Dan giggled and hugged the woman. After a few seconds, Kori took our daughter back. Xiu Dan cried briefly and then settled back into her mom's arms.

After a brief visit to the Roth's daughter's room, Mary told us it was time to leave. We all got back into the van and left, possibly forever. About a block from the orphanage, the van stopped, and Mary pointed to a small alcove in front of a building, and said, "That is where they found Xiu Dan." We took pictures and video, and moved on. A few moments later, we paused at another building where the Roth's baby had been found.

Sobering, this adoption thing. What a mix of sadness and joy. Both Chien and Pak were affected. I think that this trip is helping Chien add details to his own story. He's picturing his own orphanage (which we were never allowed to visit), his own nanny, his foster family and his birth mother. The only pictures he'll ever have will be in his imagination, and will probably always be colored by this trip to Zhangshu.

Xiu Dan seems no worse for the wear. I'm sure the visit was confusing for her, but she's continuing to bond to all of us, and has given Kori a lot of loving today. I'm still the one she turns to when she's really sad or tired, but she's coming around. 

We took a few pictures and some video, but I think we're going to keep those private for Xiu Dan, her family and close friends. Right now, all of the kids are sleeping peacefully. I pray that God is speaking words of truth, comfort and security to them in their dreams, and I'm glad we'll all be together as a family in our little hotel room when they awake.